Affairs of the Heart

Came across this (before you ask, no nothing to do with me :) - but it sums up all the angst and the heartache associated with relationships, which are sometimes destined to end...

'I miss you. I still love you. I remember holding you and kissing you and it still makes my heart race to think about it. I know you will probably never see this but it makes my heart a little less heavy to put this out there. I wish we had been more open with each other while we were together. I wish we had shared our hopes and dreams sooner. I wish we had held hands more and talked more. I wish we had worked on "us", I wish I didn't give up, and I am sorry. I miss you and your family terribly. I have wondered for the last 10 years if you ever think of me and it makes me feel horrible to even say that. I think of the music and candles and you writing on my back and my whole body feels flushed. I remember the seadoo and the basement, I remember the island, the beach, your necklace. I remember it all and always will. But I also remember the feelings of helplessness and the sadness when we weren't together. I remember wanting to share more of my feelings with you but being afraid of you not reciprocating. I remember your smell that was so comforting. I remember your laugh. I remember being a part of your family but sometimes feeling so alienated from you. I remember looking forward to the mornings and afternoons when you would stop by. I also remember how badly my heart ached when you would not come to see me. I have never felt such incredible pain as when you broke up with me. I hope in the end when I left you that you didn't feel the amount of pain that I felt. I don't know what you are doing now or what I was hoping to accomplish. Part of me wants to ask you if you miss me, if you think of me, but then what? And what if you said that you hadn't thought of me in years. I wish you knew how many times I have started to pick up the telephone. I wish I could stop thinking about you, I wish there had been closure or.......Now I can only say I hope; I hope that if you see this you are well, happy. I hope that one day I will see you again........I hope; I need you to still love me, I need to believe that what we had was real. I loved you so truely and so deeply I can only hope that you did too. I love you and miss you and always will.'

oRiOn