Reaching out...

Dear Ranit,

It is only happenstance that I came across this chat of ours 2 months after I lost my father and was still grieving. I was searching for a certain 'epitaph' with the same keyword and this showed up. I wish we could chat again. I wish I could meet you again. I have been a coward and haven't been able to get in touch with your mother in two years now. I'm sorry.

ranit mukherji <ranitmukherji@gmail.com>	2/26/12
to me

9:54 PM me: hellow!

15 minutes

10:10 PM ranit: hi

 me: jegey utley naki?

 ranit: went for bath

10:11 PM me: ok

  r ki hocche

 ranit: kal mumbai jachhi

10:12 PM me: did u hear frm doc?

 ranit: not yet

10:13 PM i'm just following a prescheduled appt for follow-up check up on tuesday

  hope to meet him then

 me: oh ok

 ranit: meanwhile fmo has sent a fax to tmc

 me: this is strange that nobody replied

 ranit: hope that does some work

 me: ok

10:14 PM wats fmo?

 ranit: fm office

 me: fm?

  sorry for being so dull!

 ranit: uff finance ministry

 me: ok

10:15 PM sorry! matha ta gechey :(

 ranit: dr dcruz was supposed to have been busy with an internation seminar in mumbai till yesterday

  let's hope he sees my mail now

 me: yeah fingers crossed

10:16 PM ke jachhey shathey?

 ranit: ma

10:17 PM and that girld who stays with us

  girl

 me: ok

  thakbe kothai? thik achey?

 ranit: friend's place

10:18 PM he has a 3 room flat in navi mumbai n stays alone

 me: ok

  n u hv to go worli for check-ups?

 ranit: parel

 me: oh ok

10:19 PM u wl need a car too

 ranit: yeah...

10:20 PM me: ofc kemon cholchey?

 ranit: er modhye jaini

  mostly stuck at home

 me: r u settled in cal ofc yet?

 ranit: kinda

10:21 PM me: oh why stuck? r u also in physical miscomfort

  nayway tell me only if u feel like

 ranit: i just hv an optimum breathing capacity right nw

 me: ok

10:24 PM shabdhaney jeo n hope you come back with something positive :)

  hope for the best, as they say!

 ranit: yeah

 me: u hv bn sounding pretty pessimistic in ur fb updates

  dont do that plz

10:25 PM ranit: freedom and bronchoscopy?

 me: huh?

10:26 PM nah the one abt koto ki korar baki chilo

 ranit: that was an update

  ok

 me: bajey update :(

  time is just a state of mind

 ranit: cant help...but datz hw i feel right nw

10:27 PM me: ami 100 yrs banchleo koto tuku kortey parbo is doubtful

 ranit: no point pretending i'm not

 me: n i am not the only person to not acieve anything in say a 100 yrs of living

 ranit: thanks but no consolation

 me: no one is pretending

  i just said its a pessimistic view of life

10:28 PM sukumar roy 40 yrs ey ja korey gechen amra 400 yrs eo ta korbo ki na jani na

  shetai bola-r cheshta krochi

  korchi*

 ranit: n i've done nothing by 40

 me: neither hv i!

  so?

10:29 PM if u rem i told u to write a book two yrs ago

  have u?

 ranit: u may at least age n ripen normally n learn to accept things as they come...it not the same fr me

10:30 PM me: shei

  who knws how long i wl live

  i feel scared saying this becos i hv a child on me. thank urself u dont hv a responsibility like that. isnt that a positive thought?

10:31 PM ranit: PAULA AT LEAST A 100PPL HAVE TOLD ME THAT...'WHO KNOWS HOW LONG WE SHALL LIVE' ETC ETC...BUT TRUST ME THAT'S NO CONSOLATION

 me: i am not trying to console you, ranit

10:32 PM i think i need more consolation than u, given that i hv no parent alive! do u realise how helpless i feel?

  i am just trying to help u cheer up n make each moment rewarding/ satisfying in some way. thats soemthing only u can do

10:33 PM perhaps make each moment memorable for your mother

 ranit: do realise how my mother will be devastated after i'm gone?

 me: yes she will be

  thats why do watever is within your reach

  dont feel sorry for urself, plz!

10:34 PM koshto pachcho physically, but make it smooth for who ever u leave behind

  i am being crude but honest

 ranit: honestly, i cant even help that...we're born to live, not to die

 me: true

  thats why we are human

10:35 PM ranit: even a dog wants to live

 me: yeah thats a natural instinct

  sorry, wat i meant is - thats why we r animals at the end of the day

10:36 PM ranit: do one thing...stop inhaling after u've exhaled...u will know how much u wanna live :)

 me: u r being idealist again

 ranit: no itz true

 me: when i am asking u to be practical

10:37 PM i dont deny the veracity of wat u say

  just trying to show u the other picture too!

10:38 PM ranit: the other is darkness....in which u can see no picture

 me: thik achey, if thats the way u want things to be

10:40 PM ok on another note, just wanted to tell you that i really appreciated your help during my father's last rite. if for nothign else, i will rem you for that always! :-) i understand it wasnt easy for you to travel all the way just to accept the offering that evening

10:41 PM ranit: so let it ben written
so let it be done

10:42 PM me: done what?

 ranit: nothing....u sounded like u were writing an epitaph :)

10:43 PM me: epic-tough!

  PJ!

 ranit: very

10:44 PM me: amar life ta jeno purotai flashback ey cholchey

10:45 PM nothing much to appreciate/ remember in the present

  needless to say, the future looks hazy

10:50 PM ranit: only the present is inevitable

  the future isn't

10:51 PM me: ki jani

10:52 PM i amm going thru weird emotions these days n i cant even express them

10:53 PM ranit: n why?

 me: generally

10:54 PM i feel confused if i try to think abt my life in the past. at times i try too hard to rem how it felt when ma touched me or even her smell. i often rem how baba's eyes were or his fingers

10:55 PM you know these lil details you take for granted in a day-to-day life are coming back to haunt me

 ranit: it's not unnatural

 me: n when i go thru these motions, i feel i am losing my mental stability

10:56 PM ranit: but at least u have urself and ur posterity to look forward to...and life consists in looking forward

 me: i find it tough to look fwd

  i am forever looking at my past n trying to relive those moments

10:57 PM ranit: but u r also doing things for urself n ur daughter

 me: doing what?

10:58 PM the daily chores r more in auto mode

 ranit: living...breathing...helping her breathe

 me: thats not a conscious effort

  thats involuntary

10:59 PM ranit: it's not an automode...don't get me wrong...but u'll know how much ur grief will be outweighed if something happens to mehuli

 me: no memories to chresih on how i breathes n helped mehuli breathe

  yeah i knw wat u mean

  its like i hold on to my sanity just for her

11:00 PM if i didnt have her in my life, it wud hv been so much more tougher to go thru these days

 ranit: dont talk of her as an occasion...ask urself and u'll know she is much more than that for u

11:01 PM me: she is all i hv in the world, other than rion, didi and golu!

  n of course there is a particular order in which they come

 ranit: so u have a lot...and u have urself that has all these

11:02 PM me: myself, yes. i feel i am responsible for making mehuli self-sufficient n independent so that one day she can face the world by herlself. so everything i do on a daily basis is geared towards this ultimate objective

11:03 PM ranit: so u see u have a lot... not just memories to live with

11:04 PM me: ha! i knew this was coming

  but the fact remains that i too hv my own demons to fight

11:06 PM anyway ranit i think i wl go to bed nw

11:07 PM its past 11 pm here n i hv had a headache all day

  kal thekey abar judhho shuru monday morning er

  tk cr of yourself n i am sure i wl catch u online wherever u r

11:08 PM HUGS and besh wishes always!

 ranit: at u have the wherewithal to remain the fighter

  tk cr

  gnite

  *at least

 me: yeah i am luckier than you. agreed!

11:09 PM but i wud love to share my luck/ strength with you in any way possible

 ranit: which is why those updates

  :)

 me: n part of the deal is you have to think positive

  good. i am glad for the upward curve on your face

  :-)

11:10 PM ranit: may be they'll come once i've exhausted the negative ones...

 me: i look fwd to that day!

 ranit: hope i can walk that far thogh

  :)

 me: you will. keep the faith

11:11 PM enjoy the rest of the sunday n i wl catch u online soon

  tk cr

 ranit: u 2

24 minutes

11:36 PM me: rion is onlien n we r talking. so i am still online - fyi!

 ranit: :)

11:37 PM me: in case u r wondering why i ended our conv n still online! :)

11:39 PM ranit: i stopped letting my thoughts wander

11:40 PM me: bah

And words fail me...

Your soul lives on through the chat messages you forced me to save.

9:17 PM me: wassup

9:18 PM came across a quote by one of your fav authors:

  "You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you're looking for the meaning of life." - Albert Camus

9:19 PM hope you are good

ranit mukherji	4/25/12
to me

hi...u must hv sent this when i was sleeping...camus, though a great writer, was time-bound...existentialism as a literary precept has largely lost its relevance with the petering out of the phase that followed the second world war...at best it remains a curious study in literary and social history...so this quote from The Stranger, which also highlights camus' nihilism and stoicism (both of which i find repulsive as lifestyles) doesn't reflect a time-traveller philosophy...if anything, it makes you a good 'Outsider'...i'm as good as i can be after my fourth chemo and 22nd radiation...tk cr

Just what my heart desires

The Same Song - by Susheela Raman

How many roads have I wondered?
None, and each my own
Behind me the bridges have crumbled
No question of return

Autumn leaves like discarded dreams
trampled underneath a tide of careless feet
it’s the same song playing
everywhere I go
it’s like an army marching right through me.

Nowhere to go but the horizon
where, then, will I call my home?

Summer spent, in the high grass
or just fragments, ransacked memories
dark river snakes, across this murky hall
boatman sings his downstream melodies.

How many roads have I wondered?
None, and each my own
Behind me the bridges have crumbled
where, then, will I call my home?

Click here to listen

- Thanks very much Pratiksha for helping me tune in to this :-)

To my precious little!

Dear Mehuli,

I am your parent first, your friend second. I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, be your worst nightmare and hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed because I LOVE YOU! When you understand that, I will know you are a responsible adult. You will NEVER find someone who loves, prays, cares and worries about you more than I do!

Cuddles,

Mamma.

My Immortal - Evanescence - a song dedicated to her father by Amy Da Laura from Evanescence

Wow its 2011!

Time flies (even when you're not having fun) :)

Another year, another set of resolutions, another New Years gone by with fireworks, fun and frolic on the beach. Another rocky, tumultuous year ahead - but with its rewards (there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even though its ever so faint). Another year of enforced separation, battling with depression, worrying myself sick sometimes, trying to cope and keep my chin up always. Another year where there's never enough time, but I still want time to pass in the blink of an eye. I do blink sometimes, quite often really - when I'm trying to fight the hot tears that appear out of nowhere. Great expectations for the future, and bittersweet memories. Fast forward to 2012 and beyond; rewind to 2010, 2009, 2008... Live for the moment - isn't that what they say? But its another year of biding my time, treading water and trying my damnedest to stay afloat, another year of trying to be a good mother, a good wife, a good daughter and a good sister.

God give me strength.

The Killers - Human

Remembering Patrick Swayze

It's been exactly a year since he died, on 14th September, 2009 - after a long battle with pancreatic cancer - and I thought I'd take this chance to talk about the things that made him special and also my favourite movies.

Patrick was a true romantic - on screen and in real life. He married his childhood hometown sweetheart, Lisa Remi, who was his mother's favourite student at the performing arts academy they both attended. Back in the '80s, where macho ruled supreme on the silver screen and action heros were the order of the day, Swayze brought in his own flavour of the romantic hero, but with a generous dose of masculinity along with it.

Even though his biggest hit by far was Ghost (1990), I actually like Point Break (1991), directed by Kathryn Bigelow (Hurt locker) a lot better. Swayze overshadows everyone in the movie, including Keanu Reeves with his Zen-like rendition of Bodhi, the misguided surfer.

Although his debut on the big screen was in the 1983 Coppola movie, The Outsiders (also featuring Tom Cruise, Matt Dillon and several other future Hollywood stars), followed by the 1984 cold war rendition, Red Dawn, it wasn't till a few years later than Swayze finally arrived in the big league.

And then, who could forget Dirty Dancing (1987), an iconic film when I was growing up - also featuring Jennifer Grey, who carried off the role of the girl-next-door to perfection. Grey says of Swayze - he was a "real cowboy with a tender heart." Patrick even sang on the soundtrack to the movie score, which so many of us know by heart, with a tribute song to his wife - 'She's like the wind'.


But if you're looking for the serious committed actor, look no further than Darko (2001), where Swayze plays a celebrity pedophile, in what has to be the most challenging role of his career. Not his most celebrated performance, but it shows off Patrick Swayze as the mature actor who could pull off a demanding role, just as he was so successful playing the open-shirted, big-hearted hero that so many in my generation grew to love.

R.I.P Patrick Swayze, animal lover (he bred horses), doting father and husband.

Demi Moore tweeted a quote from Ghost - "'It's amazing Molly. The love inside, you take it with you.' I love (you) and will miss you, Patrick."

So will we.

We remember you this day.

oRiOn

Friends are forever

It's amazing what a friend can do to you - your mood, your emotions, your day, your life.... This song is for you my friend!


Shoulder to Shoulder
- From 'Pooh's Heffalump Movie'
- Composed by Carly Simon

We stand shoulder to shoulder
We see eye to eye
We dive deep under water
We jump high in the sky
High

We stand shoulder to shoulder
We stand side to side
When one of us gets a tiny bit tired
One gives the other a ride
Ride

I've never had a best friend before
So I can't be sure
What it feels like
But I think it feels more like this, I do
I think I feel more like myself
When I'm with you

Finding, finding
Losing and finding
Making, making a bond that is strong
Building, building a house for a friendship
Breathing a breath for our song
Song
For our song

Ultimate expressions of my MIND!

There was a time when I was so allergic to the F-word that I would object to people using it in my presence, even though it wasn't used on me. Yes, I was quite a prude - in more ways than one! And then, I met this person who, I claim, is responsible for bringing out the beast in me, and he ends up enriching my vocabulary of offensive expressions. I start using not just the F-word but other abusive words quite liberally in my conversations.

When BG wrote his blog post Of Samosas and Abuses, it simply dawned on me how far I had come in life: my prudeness has been mostly replaced by crudeness. So much so that a few times, I have heard Mehuli use expressions like 'Shit man' and 'Shuck man'!

It's gross, coming from a four-year-old. I am perpetually paranoid and often hope that nobody follows her accent and understands what she's saying. I wonder if she will forget her childhood vocabulary and grow up to a 'prude' like her mum. Wishful thinking, did you say?

MIND the yap!

Not very long ago I had written a post on how I was teaching my one-year-old to communicate so that one day I find my best friend in her
( http://paularay.blogspot.com/2007/05/games-your-mind-plays-with-you.html ).

Three years later, she talks non-stop - starting even before she opens her eyes in the morning - and asks innumerable 'irrelevant' questions. So much so that most of our time together is spent with me trying to shut her up either with a Walt Disney movie or a book about a 'Hairy-Scary Monster'! But then, if I get too upset with her and she is kind of forced to do as I wish, she comes to me and asks: "Are you happy?"

Now, how am I supposed to respond to that? She isn't mature enough to use sarcasm, is she? So yes, I take her question at face value and say: "Yes, I am."

She has made a couple of good friends at her creche. But the other evening after returning home, in between her chatter, she asked: "Mamma, are you my best friend?" I was engulfed with such emotion that I could only hug her and say: "Of course, I am."

A positive MIND!

Wake up Sid is one film I have wanted to watch for a long time now and no, I haven't yet been fortunate yet! Heard this song at an 'Indian' birthday party recently... Wanted to share it with you.





O re manwa tu to bawra hai
Tu hi jaane tu kya sochta hai
Tu hi jaane tu kya sochta hai
Baware

Kyun dikhaye sapne tu sote jaagte
Jo barsein sapne boond boond
Nainon ko moond moond
Nainon ko moond moond
Jo barsein sapne boond boond
Nainon ko moond moond

Kaise main chaloon
Dekh na sakoon
Anjaane raaste

Goonja sa hai koi ektara iktara
Goonja sa hai koi ektara
Goonja sa hai koi ektara iktara
Goonja sa hai koi ektara
Goonja sa hai koi ektara iktara
Goonja sa hai koi ektara
Goonja sa hai koi ektara iktara
Goonja sa hai koi ektara

Sun rahi hoon sudhbudh kho ke
Koi main kahani
Puri kahani hai kya kisi hai pata
Main to kisiki ho ke yeh bhi na jaani
Ruth hai yeh do pal ki ya rahegi sada
Kise hai pata
kise hai pata

Jo barsein sapne boond boond
Nainon ko moond moond
Nainon ko moond moond
Jo barsein sapne boond boond
Nainon ko moond moond

Kaise main chaloon
Dekh na sakoon
Anjaane raaste

Goonja sa hai koi ektara iktara
Goonja sa hai koi ektara
Goonja sa hai koi ektara iktara
Goonja sa hai koi ektara
Goonja sa hai koi ektara iktara
Goonja sa hai koi ektara
Goonja sa hai koi ektara iktara
Goonja sa hai koi ektara

- Kavita Seth

Konkona is turning out to be a pretty face, of late. It goes well with her extremely good acting skills. Keep it up, girl!

Of birds and bees... and a baby!

My three-and-a-half year old daughter is shocked to see a pregnant woman on the magazine cover. She comes running with it and asks, "Mamma, why is her tummy so big? What's inside it?"

"She is pregnant. There's a baby inside her tummy," I explain to her. But she continues to look at the picture in surprise. So, I add, "When you were a baby, you were also inside my tummy."

She digests this information and takes a few moments to comprehend it. Then asks, "Can I get into your tummy again?"

I tell her she is too big now. When she was smaller it was possible, but not any more. She ponders over it for the next few minutes and then comes up with an explanation: "If I try to get in now, it will break your teeth. You will get hurt. That's why you are saying it's not possible."

I nod in assertion!

Jab we met

The rain is coming down in sheets and here I am waiting for Rion to pick me up after work. This has become our routine ever since we relocated to Pune. People around me under the bus shade are also waiting for the rain to subside before they can scurry off to complete their chores. A radio somewhere is belting out Bollywood golden oldies - as if to keep our spirits high in spite of the damp cold weather. But hang on... what's that again? The song, I mean. Isn't it the same number that was playing the very first time Rion had come to pick me up after work?

Cut to July 31, 2005. Mumbai. Andheri station, Harbour line. The city had witnessed its worst flood in a 100 years, only 5 days back. The trains had just started plying after the deluge. My fifth floor Navi Mumbai apartment was totally washed out with the water seeping in through the door connecting the bedroom with the balcony. So I had taken refuge at a friend's cousin's place that was comparatively dry. It was at Nilakshi's that I met Rion - another of their cousins. He had seemed a bit of a flirt right away, but charming at the same time. I was curious about him, but not really interested in anything long term. He simply didn't look the type.

On the second day of my stay, I had come home to clean up my flat. Rion had offered to help but all he did on reaching my place was sleep and snore, just to make up for being out all night, most probably partying. Later that day we discovered each other and after a heart-to-heart, Rion insisted I go back to his cousin's place with him. So, there I was in Andheri again, returning from work the next day.

The rain hadn't stopped and was particularly heavy at the time I got off the train. Slowly I was walking towards the exit, wondering if I should wait for a while or just make a dash to catch the nearest rickshaw. And this very song - a popular Bollywood number on romance in the rain - was blaring off somebody's mobile radio. And then, I saw him. He was standing near the exit, holding on to a dripping brolly and feeding a wet hungry dog a packet of glucose biscuits. That was the moment I fell in love.

He had wanted to surprise me by coming to pick me up from the train station, and what a pleasant surprise it was! He is man of surprises. He loves to take you by surprise - and revels at your pleasure!

Rion was actually looking for an accommodation and so had put up with his cousin. So, instead, he moved in with me. In about two weeks, we went on a trip to Goa and that's when he proposed marriage. But I asked for time, not knowing that I had already conceived our daughter! When I did discover a few weeks later, my life turned on its head. I wanted to get married the next day or go for a termination, but Rion backed out thinking I had agreed to marry him only for the baby. Neither did he support my abortion. After a series of messy situations, we agreed on a business proposal: we will be married till the child is born and then we go our separate ways. Getting the marriage legalised involved some serious manipulation; finally, we got our respective families to accept our marriage.

But the biggest surprise of all is the fact that our marriage clicked. Through all these upheavals, we learned to bond somewhere, somehow. People go through a lot of speculations and logical analyses - not just them but their parents and their parents too - before plunging into a marriage. Even then, at times they end up in divorces or non-functional marriages. But destiny seemed to push us into ours, with little time to think or analyse. So far it's been good. No regrets. The future's not ours to see...

I snap back to the present as Rion halts in front of me and jump into the car. The song is still playing on the car stereo. "Remember this song?," I ask him.

You raise me up to more than I can be

Read an interesting article today - Obituary of the late Mr Common Sense.

So very true!

Then, my MIND flipped on to this ">song

The lyrics are here for you to hum along:

When I am down and oh my soul, so weary,
When troubles come and my heart burdened be,
Then I am still and wait here in the silence,
UNTIL you come and sit a while with me.


You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains,
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas,
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders,
You raise me up To more than I can be.


You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up To more than I can be.


You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains,
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas,
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders,
You raise me up To more than I can be.


You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains,
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas,
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders,
You raise me up To more than I can be.

- Westlife.

Thank you very much. That was really 'uplifting'!

oRiOn's Rant of the Day - our Boys in Blue (BiBs)

I'm gonna keep this short and sweet (NOT!) - more like short and to-the-point.

Why, I hear you ask?

'Cos it still hurts - and I'm too pained by it all.

Why do our Boys in Blue (BiBs) have to go and lose the T20 series to the Black Caps when they managed to beat just about everybody else in the last few months?

I mean, does this make an iota of sense to you? Do you even know the population of Kiwiland? Its like the population of Andheri - 4 million! Its a wonder that they can even get 11 lads to knock a ball around on the cricket pitch! And to add insult to injury, they play cricket PART TIME!!!

Smells fishy, don't you think? REEKS of MATCH FIXING!

And to think that I had a buck (well, maybe a few) riding on the outcome.

I'm hopping mad, I tell you - there I was, thinking I'd recover my wager with some beer money thrown in for the weekend so I can go out and be a REAL MAN, and now this!

A big frigging hole in my pocket. Feel so like a lowlife right now.

Looks like I'm going to have to slum it out this Friday night - having spent my allowance backing our BiBs.

Sheesh!

Never again. I've said that to myself before, and the BiBs have kinda built up my confidence in them, having knocked the stuffing out of the Aussies and the Lankans and the Saffas - but now I'm shattered. And to think that some bookies are laughing all the way to the bank (Jannat-eshtyle) with MY MONEY makes me sick to tmy stomach...

Nah, I'm just down in the dumps for now, mateys.

Waaaah! Mummy! She's just about the only person who can console me right now.

oRiOn

Rant of the Day - F***Book

Frigging Facebook!

Who do they think they are, huh?

First of all, they try to act all sneaky and change their ToS (Terms of Service) -
to cut a long story short, they removed a clause from their ToS which allowed users to withdraw the license it had granted to them over user information by deleting information. So under the new, proposed ToS, FBook would still have rights over DELETED INFORMATION for all perpetuity.

Here's a section describing this act of malfeasance in some detail (a thorough summary can be found here - http://www.plagiarismtoday.com/2009/02/17/the-facebook-tos-controversy/)

QUOTE: Facebook, in its TOS, gives itself “irrevocable, perpetual, non-exclusive, transferable, fully paid, worldwide license (with the right to sublicense) to (a) use, copy, publish, stream, store, retain, publicly perform or display, transmit, scan, reformat, modify, edit, frame, translate, excerpt, adapt, create derivative works and distribute” the work. It is a very wide swath of rights that many would be right to worry about giving away perpetually.

Previously, one had been able to “expire” the license by simply removing the content. With the change, that element of the license is gone, making it unclear how one would prevent Facebook from legally using the work of its users in a way that they didn’t intend. UNQUOTE

Anyway, Zuckerberg and co. have, for long, flirted with trouble - remember the allegations which were quietly settled outta court which focussed on the fact that his Harvard classmates gave him an application to develop and he ran away and started his own venture with the said idea....

I also find it really, REALLY annoying when I am invited to join various stupidass activities on Facebook and when I decide to take a look, i.e. dip my feet in the water, the activity application INSISTS on being given access to my PERSONAL information. Like I would agree! Go figure. Silly twits.

Done ranting for today - expending all my phlegmatic emotions in one sustained outburst. Damn Fbook! Damn social networking! The world was a better place without 'em! Down with Fbook! Whatever happened to conventional networking? The kind where REAL MEN sit around a bar, nursing a REAL drink (read, beer) and holding a REAL conversation (read, about women - if you'd narrow it down further, this conversation rarely went beyond tits and ass...okay, legs maybe).

Thats my take on all things which have the tag - 'internet social network' attached to them.

Now I'm off to check out Twitter - on which there will be a subsequent rant of some sort, you can be sure.

oRiOn

Daily Rant - Fake Eggs

WTF!

What is it about made-in-China goods that just gets under your skin?
They think they can 'manufacture' everything! Now, I reckon that recent efforts at non-proliferation had better take into account efforts made by the Chinese to flood world markets with cheaper (although of dubious quality), fake copies of everything under the sun! Now thats something worthwhile for Obamarama to think about as he chews the fat at the White (no wait, Black) House.

The latest from this stable of counterfeiting genie-asses is the FAKE EGG!

Yep, you read that right, folks - the Chinese have acquired the necessary expertise and technical know-how to manufacture fake chicken eggs.

How low can you get to make a quick buck, huh?

Check out this news article where you'll also gain a deep understanding of the processes involved, should you ever consider joining the ever growing ranks of the fake poultry entrepreneurs:

http://www.weirdasianews.com/2007/05/04/chinas-10-steps-to-make-a-fake-egg/

Even the venerable South China Morning Post picked this up:

Read on:

"Suspected artificial eggs discovered in Macau
Danny Mok and Fox Yi Hu
Feb 20, 2009
www.scmp.com

Suspected fake eggs from Hubei have been found in Macau after reports of their discovery in Fujian this week.

Macau resident Mrs Wong, who ate six suspected manmade eggs that tasted strange to her, said they appeared to be like ordinary ones. The eggs had Hubei province as the source, a batch number and date printed on the shell, Macau TV station Teledifusao De Macau reported.

Mrs Wong, who is eight months pregnant, said she bought the eggs from the Iao Hon Market. “The yolk is different from an ordinary yolk, you can see it’s rubbery [after being cooked]. When you break it open, it’s not powdery [like a normal yolk] … it’s entirely like rubber.”

Mainland reports of fake eggs being discovered in Xiamen, Fujian province, surfaced this week when a local person bought some from a street vendor and found the yolks could bounce after being cooked. An official from Macau’s Civic and Municipal Affairs Bureau said it had received 10 reports of suspected fake eggs since last month.

He said samples had been taken from stores for tests and results would be available in two to three days.

Hong Kong’s Centre for Food Safety said that egg imports from Hubei could be found in the city, and it would examine all imports."

Man, there are times when I'm so glad to be living in India.

Jai Ho!

oRiOn

oRiOn's Rants and Raves

Well, if you're stumped by the title of this post and its implications, look no further than the name of the blog...Gotcha!

As a matter of fact, I thought I'd do the ol' missus a favour, because it appears that she can't be arsed updating her blog (the last post was more than a month ago) - IMHO, a rather irreverant and disrespectful attitude towards your readership, which has lots of attractive options on the menu as far as the blogosphere is concerned.

So, good lil boy scout that I am, I decided to do 'er a favour and thrash out a post, whilst nursing a serious hangover. Ain't I a dah-lin? Perhaps I'll get rewarded later on tonight - we shall see. Or perhaps spanked? Hm, I might enjoy that too :)

Those of you who know me for my mild-mannered submissions or lovey-dovey eulogies / elegies will probably notice the departure from the aforementioned styles, but hey, I've got it in me to be raving / rantic individual (NOT LUNATIC) every once in a while.

Without further ado, I'll move on to the rant of the day.

Spam mail. Now don't get me started on this one, really don't. Because you might regret it. In fact, you WILL regret it. Therefore, in the public interest, I'll graduate to the runner-up rant of the day - gym memberships (and members).

Now, someone (lets call him LOSER) suggested, or perhaps dropped a rather unsubtle hint the other day, that I should consider joining a gym. I'm all for fitness and all that mambo-jambo (in between beers, mind you) but I'll have none of this bull-crap. Who do they think they are, having the gall to suggest politely that I should join the ranks of losers who sweat it out in airconditioned halls, instead of their bedrooms - how about being a jailbird and breaking stones as an alternative method of physical fitness? Would they consider that or give it some kind of exalted status? Harrumph!

Anyway, but I digress.

Gyms are gay. Yep, you heard it from me, folks and you heard it right.

I’m sorry, but gyms are gay. They are. They are full of muscled-up guys getting pointlessly more muscled-up, sneering at flabby gits in loose “gym clothes” trying to look more toned than the sack of wet vegetables they so closely resemble. Either flabby, or bony-arsed with dripping noses and dandruff. Gyms are horrible, horrible places. You could - *ulp* - run into LOSER in the showers, showing off his 6-inch ruler tat to a bunch of admiring biker-types with mutton-chops.

No, no, no.

The only correct and natural habitat for a Real Man (apart from in front of his own television) is in a bar; preferably at the bar (tables are gay). If you want exercise, lift a glass, or take a bracing hike to the toilet and back.

Of course, I speak as one of nature’s blessed men; one for whom a visit to a gym is not only tastelessly vulgar but almost comically unnecessary. I have the wand-like figure of a lad of some eighteen summers, tuned as taut as a violin string, gleaming and downily smooth … ’scuse me … just going for a wank . BRB.

Told ya, gyms are gay.

Nuff said.

oRiOn

Affairs of the Heart

Came across this (before you ask, no nothing to do with me :) - but it sums up all the angst and the heartache associated with relationships, which are sometimes destined to end...

'I miss you. I still love you. I remember holding you and kissing you and it still makes my heart race to think about it. I know you will probably never see this but it makes my heart a little less heavy to put this out there. I wish we had been more open with each other while we were together. I wish we had shared our hopes and dreams sooner. I wish we had held hands more and talked more. I wish we had worked on "us", I wish I didn't give up, and I am sorry. I miss you and your family terribly. I have wondered for the last 10 years if you ever think of me and it makes me feel horrible to even say that. I think of the music and candles and you writing on my back and my whole body feels flushed. I remember the seadoo and the basement, I remember the island, the beach, your necklace. I remember it all and always will. But I also remember the feelings of helplessness and the sadness when we weren't together. I remember wanting to share more of my feelings with you but being afraid of you not reciprocating. I remember your smell that was so comforting. I remember your laugh. I remember being a part of your family but sometimes feeling so alienated from you. I remember looking forward to the mornings and afternoons when you would stop by. I also remember how badly my heart ached when you would not come to see me. I have never felt such incredible pain as when you broke up with me. I hope in the end when I left you that you didn't feel the amount of pain that I felt. I don't know what you are doing now or what I was hoping to accomplish. Part of me wants to ask you if you miss me, if you think of me, but then what? And what if you said that you hadn't thought of me in years. I wish you knew how many times I have started to pick up the telephone. I wish I could stop thinking about you, I wish there had been closure or.......Now I can only say I hope; I hope that if you see this you are well, happy. I hope that one day I will see you again........I hope; I need you to still love me, I need to believe that what we had was real. I loved you so truely and so deeply I can only hope that you did too. I love you and miss you and always will.'

oRiOn